Dear readers,

Welcome back to my blog, where we dive into the deep waters of human emotions and relationships. Today, I want to talk about something that can be crucial in understanding toxic love affairs – the concept of moral defense.

One might say that love is like a battle. However, we often find ourselves entangled in relationships that are far from a healthy fight. Instead, we navigate through the labyrinth of toxic bonds, where the line between love and pain becomes blurred.

Moral defense is a concept from the field of psychoanalysis that helps us understand how we cope with things that hurt us. When someone you are emotionally attached to is treating you poorly, and you’re not strong enough to face the anxiety that comes with separation, you will then continue to see that person in a positive light, actually idealizing them while perceiving yourself as the culprit. Think of it as an internal army that protects our vulnerable essence. Through this lens, I’ll try to bring you closer to why we often linger in toxic relationships.

Love is not something you find. Love is something that finds you. However, what happens when love doesn’t find us in a healthy way? Then our moral defense is activated, attempting to cope with the pain and preserve the image of love at any cost.

When facing toxic relationships, moral defense can become our enemy. Instead of protecting us, it can create an illusion of love where there is none. We often retreat into the illusion of happiness because facing the truth is too painful. Through these lies, we try to maintain some form of love, even if it’s unreal.

Imagine, therefore, that you are fighting in a toxic relationship like a hero, where your moral defense is the armor helping you withstand blows. But, at the same time, that armor limits you from seeing the truth. It’s the conflict between the desire for love and facing the pain imposed by a toxic relationship.

To break free from this vicious cycle, you must confront the truth, no matter how painful it is. Setting boundaries, recognizing what it truly means to love and be loved, are crucial steps toward healing.

So, dear readers, as you face the challenges of love relationships, remember that your mind must not become a prison of false happiness. Be brave and open yourself to the truth, even if it’s hard. Otherwise, if you get out of bed in the morning and find nothing better to do than to love fools, then at least sleep until noon!

Sincerely,
Stefan Mihajević